ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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