I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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