people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
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soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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