Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
