I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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