slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
