How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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