I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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