After last night, I could never be a politician.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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