he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
