I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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