Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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