Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
