i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
