take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
