I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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