hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
