is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
