Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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