Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
