: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
