just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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