she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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