just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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