Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
