Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
