"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just crazy horny about you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
