i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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