I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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