So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
