Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
