He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
