at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
