Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
