she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
