if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
