you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
