I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
