also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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