hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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