i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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