fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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