you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
