Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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