I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
