i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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