everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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