Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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