Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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