I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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