you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
