He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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