They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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