I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
