The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
