u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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