need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
