Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
