I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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