I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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