Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
