so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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