margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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