He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
