I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
