Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
