You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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