I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
