why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
