man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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