Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
