Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
and you fell through a lawn chair
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
