You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
