I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
