i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
