whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
