Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this will be a night to untag.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My feet surprised me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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