And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
