is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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