And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
